By BARBARA RUDNICK
Ruth* (name and details changed to protect privacy) introduced herself by telling the group her story of a beloved daughter and a beloved mom. She is 41, the youngest of five kids, married and the mother of two-and-a-half-year-old Maya. A year ago, Ruth and her husband adopted their daughter from China.
As they were elated about learning to be parents to their young child, Ruth also was deeply saddened by the reality of needing to learn how to become a caregiver to her mother. Now she feels overwhelmed by the needs and demands of her life, and is filled with a roller coaster of emotions.
JFCS: Family Values & Concerns
“This has been the hardest time of my life,” Ruth says. “My mother was an intelligent, vital woman, so full of energy that she lit up a room. At 74, she was still sharp as a tack. Gradually, we began to notice odd behaviors — putting the dishrags in the freezer, telling us she was afraid to go upstairs to use the bathroom, repeating things over and over again. Some days she still calls me every five minutes. I love her so much and want to be there for her, but I had no idea how difficult it would be.”
Ruth is a member of the Jewish Memory Loss Caregiver Support Group. The group’s participants care for their loved ones — spouses, partners, siblings, other relatives, friends, etc. — who suffer from Alzheimer’s, dementia, stroke-induced memory loss or other memory loss-related diseases.
Most people are unprepared for the role of caregiver and come to the group for support and information as they deal with the new realities and ambiguous losses brought about by changes in loved ones affected by memory loss. These changes typically begin slowly, perhaps with subtle personality shifts or the inability to adapt to simple but new routines. As the diseases progress, the demands on the caregiver increase, often becoming a full-time job.
Talking heals and the group discusses all aspects of caregiving, including the increased demands and emotions as deterioration advances. Group members see that they are not alone, and they share ideas and suggestions for useful strategies and helpful resources. Even though personal situations vary, participants understand each other because they share common threads. This group helps caregivers take care of themselves; and in doing so, they can better care for their loved ones.
Ruth describes some of the losses for herself and her mother.
“I watch my mom disappear a little more each day. I know she’s in there somewhere, but she no longer has that special sparkle in her eyes or that contagious laughter. Her friends have stopped calling and coming by. Even my brothers visit less frequently, leaving my sister and me responsible for her care. At times I find myself deeply mourning the loss of the woman she used to be and feeling afraid of what lies ahead. Attending the group has been so helpful to me.”
This group is unique because it is the only Jewish support group for caregivers available in the Twin Cities. The Jewish Memory Loss Support Group adds the dimension of Jewish support by periodically inviting rabbis or other clergy to meetings, and also by providing resources from our Jewish tradition.
If you are interested in attending, the group meets from 1 to 2:30 p.m. on the second Wednesday of each month at Temple Israel, 2324 Emerson Ave. S., Minneapolis. The next meeting will take place on Wednesday, Dec. 14.
There is no fee for this group, but preregistration is required; call 952-542-4825 or e-mail: brudnick@jfcsmpls.org.
The group is co-sponsored by Jewish Family and Children’s Service of Minneapolis (JFCS) and Temple Israel, and is open to the community.
Additionally, JFCS has funds available for individual consultations for family members who have a loved one living with Alzheimer’s. To find out more about this service, contact JFCS Intake and Resource Connection at 952-546-0616.
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Barbara Rudnick, MA, is the program manager for Family Life Education at Jewish Family and Children’s Service of Minneapolis (JFCS) and facilitator for the Jewish Memory Loss Support Group. She also provides a free e-mail advice service on relationships and parenting called AskBarbara.
(American Jewish World, 11.25.11)
